How to Succeed in Evil by Patrick E. Mclean

Author:Patrick E. Mclean
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Humour
Publisher: good words
Published: 2011-06-25T04:00:00+00:00

In the lobby, Topper takes a few deep breaths.

“Were you able to cheer him up?” asks Agnes.

Topper shakes his head.

“Well, I suppose we shall just have to ride it out again.”

Topper asks, “What do you mean again?”

“It happened once before. Oh that was a dreadful year.”

“Year? You gotta be kidding me. He was like that for a year?”

“Well, it doesn’t happen often,” says Agnes defensively.

“Somebody’s got to toughen that kid up.”

“Oh, I am certain that is the answer,” Agnes says, her tongue curling around the sarcasm.

“C’mon Agnes, I feel guilty enough about this as it is.”

“Guilty enough? I scarcely think that is possible.”

“I gotta make it right somehow.”

“Oh no,” says Agnes, “You’ve had your chance. And, I might add, you have failed to bring him out of his funk.”

“I can do it. I swear I can.”

“I am as close to being sorry about this as I can be about anything that regards you, but I have no more faith to waste on you.”

“Aw, Agnes, I know I’m a screw-up. The trouble is I don’t fit, see? I’m the wrong size.”

“Really?” Agnes raises an eyebrow as she says, “I would have suspected that your trouble is that you fit all kinds of places where a decent person should never go.”

“Oh, there you go again, always beating on me.”

“If it is too much for you, I can only suggest that you put yourself out of my misery.”

In defeat, and finding no solace, Topper scuttles into the elevator. ”Fine, fine, you mean old bat. But I’m gonna make this right. You’ll see.”

“Away with you, you vociferous munchkin. I would sooner put out mine own eyes with a tuning fork than admit you have done something correctly!”

Topper sticks his head out of the elevator. “Velociraptor what? What does that even mean?”

Agnes returns to her work with a dismissive gesture. “Just don’t make things any worse than they already are.”

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